Thursday, August 19, 2010

Why do I run?

There is a contest at Run Like a Mother that begs the question:

When I run, I feel…. (They had four ellipsis' when you only use three grammatically speaking)

I said that it makes me feel like me. Running is the one time it’s all about me, Angela. Not mom, not wife, not blogger, not friend. Running is where I get to be me, just Angela. It's refreshing when I run, bike, swim, or workout, I get to demand only what I can give. I'm the only one asking me what can I give of myself. This might sound a little strange or coincided. Let me attempt to explain.

My life revolves around taking care of my husband and children, which I love! Please don't ever think I'm one of those mom's or wives who runs away from their family. I really enjoy playing with my kids all day. I have, however, made a small shift this last year to focus on me, too. By this I mean to focus on my athletic abilities. To push myself and see what I can do. The problem has become that I am meeting a lot of resistance to achieve this. I like to think of myself as a giving person and I really do love doing for others. So when I changed to do something for me, it's not surprising that a rebel force has joined together to squish that goal. I can see the land mines placed before me each day to derail my training plan. So far the land mines and hand grenades have out witted me.

I started a training program on June 14th. Do you know how many day's I've been able to stick to that training program? 10 days. None of them the running days. All were cross training days.  It's stressing me out. The training program is easy. Very doable. That is unless you have four children to take care and a husband who is working full time and going to school full time. Oh, and he plays in a band. Now don't get me wrong I don't want my husband to stop doing any of those things. He needs to do those things. Don't forget moving into a small house that we own and have to fix up because the renters didn't do the house any justice. The last two months have been the most stressful months since I was a kid and I am unable to workout to relax. I think I'm more upset that I was letting other people place their problems and expectations on me and my family. Free help is never free and it's never worth the strings attached. I know that but I think someone else had to learn that and still has not learned that lesson. So they are stressed and waging a battle with me. Here's the thing. I'm not playing in that sandbox anymore. I'm done fighting the wrong battle. It's not worth it. So here's where I am going from here on.

I'm getting back on my training program. Getting back my upbeat outlook on life. Life is far too short to stress about the little things. Who cares that I'm living in limbo in a really small, smelly house? The upside? A ginormous back and front yard that is a clean palate to design as I wish! The children have a very safe and fun place to play outside! My husband is busy and needs the evening to do homework. I am changing to working out in early morning again. I enjoy the cooler and quieter hours of the am anyway. The girls will be in school next month and that means I can run during the mornings with my friend Laura. I'll find a double stroller and run with my boys. This will give me more outside quality time with them. I'm going to get a sub 4 hour marathon next June. Hopefully better, but that won't happen if I fight the wrong battles. Besides I think I'm someone worth fighting for not against.

So I run to remember me. Not to run away from things but to come back me. Fun, optimistic, sarcastic, sexy, hard working, me. Angela! Laugh and run on, my friends!


  1. I commend you for doing what you need to do. So often as mother/wife we retain that title, and wear those "hats" all the time. The trouble begins when we forget who we ARE, not what we do. A positive outlook on everything also helps us remember that. We always have a choice, and you have chosen to remain positive in light of resistance. Congratulations! I am so proud of you, my friend. :)

  2. Aw, I just read this post. I feel bad that I had no idea you were going through this. I hope things are better, or getting better, now. We moms have an up hill battle with all we need to take care of and do for others, plus working out for ourselves. Glad you're working it out!